Recoiling From Pain Intensifies It

Recoiling from pain is futile.  For me, trying to do so actually makes it worse.  It significantly intensifies it.

This goes for any kind of pain--physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.  But in this instance, I am referring to physical pain--the kind that brings deep suffering on every level of existence.

Part of the problem is that I unconsciously resist pain.  This is an automatic and very unconscious response from me.  I don't like feeling pain.  Resisting it always comes first for me.  

In the resistance, I begin tensing up my muscles and my joints in some kind of unconscious effort to brace myself to surmount and bear the pain.

It is not easy to stay conscious and aware that I am in pain avoidance mode. Usually I discover it when I am feeling even more pain and I do a "body check," and I realize that my entire body is now into the resistance of the experience.

It is completely natural to want to avoid things that feel so uncomfortable.

A total mind-blower to me is my discovery that by mentally directing my attention into the center of the pain, facing it, focusing on it, allowing it and accepting it, alters it in a positive way for me.  

This seems very illogical to me.  But I am here to tell you that sometimes it is the only thing that brings relief.

Perhaps the relief comes from not adding the extra tensing and anxiety to the already difficult experience to bear.

I am not sure.  But I know that for me, relief is in the heart of the pain.  That doesn't necessarily mean that acceptance and allowing makes it go completely away.  But it surely does bring some peace and liberation from the depths of the suffering.

Try it!  What have you got to lose?  Maybe some pain!!

Love and Hugs,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2015, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

 Thank you Google Images, for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!

 

Comet Watching Can Trigger Fibromyalgia???

No Comet Lovejoy Watching is possible where I live, tonight.  It's just way too cloudy out there!

It is a good thing, too!!  I am all Fibro stove-up from peering into the Heaven's with a heavy set of binoculars last night, doing exactly this comet watching!  

Who the heck ever heard of stargazing triggering Fibromyalgia???

You have GOT to be KIDDING!!! 

I'm here to tell you...sadly...that this is true, at least for me right now, anyway!  Crooked neck, heavy tools, holding arms above my head for a long while--all of it added up together triggered a massive YEEEE...OUCH for me after Comet Watching!

I am unbelievably stiff and sore today, even still, more than 24 hours later!

Another goofy piece for me is that I didn't recognize the cause of all the pain for a long while today.  It wasn't until I raised my arms over my head to put a Christmas box up on a shelf, that the massive pain zap helped me to remember where this unbelievably deep pain began!

Stargazing would not normally bother me in the slightest!  

It is impossible for me to know when Fibro will be triggered!

So what?! 

I dearly LOVE stargazing!  I am NOT giving it up!  I will modify it somehow--when required!  But I will never be able to 100 percent predict when it may lay me low.  Fibro is unpredictable for me.  My reactions can be unpredictable.

There is always a way to make accommodations and adjustments, though--even if only by being very compassionate and loving with myself when I have done something that is causing me to feel like a huge pile of crap!

I am not going to stop doing things I love doing on the chance that I may get Fibro-triggered.

That's no way to live.

Life and living is way too precious to live in fear of what might happen!  I will continue to live in the moment, make concessions where I feel it wise and deal with whatever happens along the way!

Comet Lovejoy, you were worth it! 
 
Love and Hugs,
Barbara

 

© Copyright 2009-2015, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

 Thank you Google Images, for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!

Photo credit: Comet Lovejoy on December 13 from the 

Astronomical Society of Victoria's Astrophotography Observatory, Heathcote, Victoria.

Oh! The Aching!

Fibromyalgia makes no sense whatsoever.  Because it seems so difficult to understand, it is easy to think I must be daft or some kind of hypochondriac.  

But when I look deeply enough, I always find the seeds of the latest siege.

My calendar has been busy.  I did my best to balance it and take down time in between things.  I did well with that, in fact! 

Sometimes no amount of personal care-taking and self-responsibility does a darn thing to prevent a flare up.

It would be easy to get into self blame and loathing.  But that serves no purpose, helping nothing whatsoever about this!

So I decide to be kind and forgiving to me.  I do my best not to resist the pain.  I look forward to the lifting of the aching, (and it is better than it was.)  But I accept that it is here.  I rest when I need to rest.  I let all things be alright, just as they are.
  
Was it the nearly three week trip to Ireland that caused it?  Was it the many family birthday parties, the dinners and extended time with grandchildren?  Was it the seminars, my classes or working with clients?  Was it the repeated trips to the accountant to work through my father's estate?   Was it the deaths of two very dear friends, very unexpectedly?  Was it the house guests?

Who knows?  It matters, not.  I am here.  And aching is a reality at this time. 
  
I've been well for months--truly for well over a year.  Does this mean I have been painless for all this time?  Heck, no!  It means that pain has been bearable and manageable, doable.  

I decided years ago that I am not going to let Fibromyalgia and chronic pain ruin or rule my life.  I get a choice about the first part, but the ruling--well, it definitely is there lurking in the background, and sometimes right, square between my eyes on a daily basis.

What goes on between my ears makes more difference than any drug, treatment, or fad has ever done in the management of chronic pain in my life.

Thank God I have learned to be an optimist.

I have had to learn to cherish myself.  I have had to become my own best friend  This is an ever growing experience.

I am glad for a new year and even more growth, joy and empowerment!

Love, Hugs and Blessings,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2015, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

 

Thank you Google Images and Millie Mestril, for the Commercial Reuse of your Image/Quote!

Sometimes I Feel Paralyzed

Sometimes I feel paralyzed, psychically and energetically.  It feels like a paralysis of my personal power, my will, my intestinal fortitude.

It feels like being caught in muck and mire and not being able to gather enough strength and power to actually accomplish something.

I have learned not to fight it.  Fighting it only digs me in even more deeply.

The only thing that provides relief is Acceptance of what is.

But I would so love to be able to get through things I desire and truly need to complete!

These paralysis cycles grew more frequent as I fell deeper into Fibromyalgia's hallmark debilitating chronic pain, overwhelming exhaustion and brain-farts that leave me wondering if I am coming down with a case of Alzheimer's disease!   

The worse I felt in the beginning of my Fibro journey, the less I could do--about anything. In fact, this experience literally drove me into early retirement from a much loved career.

It has been an exercise in acceptance and continuing to plod on--when I am able, and doing my very best to not pass judgment upon myself for the facts and experiences of this journey of mine, however I manage it.

There is a grieving process that cannot be circumvented.  Nor will trying to get through this by "pinning on a stiff upper lip" or "puttin' on Big Girl Panties" get you anywhere but into deeper and longer suffering.

At first I was in horrific judgment of myself.  I've always been able to push myself to do anything--even things I did not want to do.

Maybe this is why I have such trouble pushing myself much these days!  I pushed myself a great deal all of my life, before Fibro.  Perhaps this pushing is even a key element for my manifestation of Fibromyalgia.  

I believe this is so.

At any rate, healing has come--healing of sorts, but not always in accomplishing that which I so desire to accomplish nor in the time lines I desire and sometimes by just having to abandon a goal, period.  

Paramount is my letting be whatever is without slapping myself around for not being able to make circumstances and me be as I wish.

There is a consolation in successfully allowing all of this experience.  The act of surrendering to "That Which Is" has provided immense relief and peace, a releasing of much suffering in this difficult, multidimensional and otherwise deeply painful experience.

Surrender...or suffer....Surrender or suffer... ???

Ha!  Who wants to suffer?!  Surrendering is much better!

But I still have much that I desire to complete.

For today, surrendering is enough.  I am enough, exactly as I am, however I am.  Accepting that I want things completed and I am unable to do it is enough, too. 

Things will get done when they get done.  This is perfect, exactly as it is. 

Love and Hugs,

Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2015, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

The Cycles of Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia seems to come in cycles.  Sometimes they are short cycles.  Sometimes they are longer--sometimes even MUCH LONGER.  But the pain cycles, for certain.  The brain fog cycles. There are many symptoms of Fibromyalgia for me, and all the symptoms cycle.

What is not certain is when these things return.  I can't predict with certainty when the cycles get triggered.  But I can predict more often than I used to be able to do.

Doing too many physically strenuous tasks definitely is a trigger.

Putting myself under a lot of stress in a short period of time definitely is a trigger.

Not getting enough sleep is a trigger--although, I do not sleep well no matter how much time I allow myself to sleep.

Even the weather seems to be a trigger! 

The depression comes in cycles.  It stems from the feelings of powerlessness over changing what is going on physically with me, about not feeling in charge of my life the way I once felt I was--or at least that I had the illusion of feeling about my life.

I used to feel victimized by symptoms swooping down out of...seemingly nowhere, and whacking the beejesus out of me.

Now I see there are patterns.  I am still working on discovering and seeing the patterns--sooner, greater, bigger and learning to be much more responsible for myself about them.

Sometimes even great awareness does not change a thing.

I am much more accepting of what is, now.  But I sometimes grieve the loss of the life I once had.

I could never again live the life I once did, though.  I would not want to go through all that overwhelming stress and drama again.  

I am glad I am learning to create boundaries, both for myself and for others in my life.

It has been a long, hard haul learning!  But I am much more at peace now than ever previously in my life, (even when I am suffering with difficult symptoms.) 
  
For this, I am very grateful!

There is beauty in all things--even those that are not the easiest things to traverse in life.  I have found this to be especially true when it comes to my experiences with Fibromyalgia. 

Staying in the present moment makes things much more doable!

Remembering to turn on the Light--and by that I mean my Spiritual Light, makes things much more doable!

Doing my best not to let myself get jaded and cynical or otherwise maimed by this experience makes things much more doable!

It is not easy sometimes.  But so far, it is definitely worth it.

Love, Hugs and Blessings,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2014, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

Thank you Google Images, for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!

When Did I Acquire Fibromyalgia?

I have been working on me, making me a priority for many years.  I have succeeded at this more and more.  But as I look back, I can see that it has been a very hard and a long process for me.  Even the attempts I have made at it in the past barely put a dent in the degree to which I have been "outer focused."  I have needed much more of "me as a Top Priority" than I was able to do.  Boy, it surely does not come easy to me, at all.  Operating in this manner is not even on my radar at times!  But when my body acts up, recoiling in unbelievable pain, well, it is pretty darned hard to ignore!

Sometimes it feels like, "BAM!"  Pain all over the place just swoops in my body--seemingly out of nowhere, and it lays me low!  It is very peculiar how pain in me sometimes manifests. 

I wake up every, single morning, in mega pain and have for many years.  I thought this was just part of getting older.  But I have been like this since I was about 25 years old.  It has just gotten progressively more intense and it lasts longer and longer before the stiffness and pain I acquire while lying in bed during the night moves on.  Eventually there grew to be days, then weeks, and then months that this pain hung around, sapping my energy and making me very crabby!

I thought everybody felt these things.

Apparently this is not so.  At least not at 25 years of age.  Maybe at 57, the age I am now, that makes more sense!  

I am now certain that I have had Fibromyalgia since right after the second spinal surgery I had in 2003.  I just never got over that surgery.  I probably had bouts of it as far back as I can remember, even in adolescence.  

But it came to visit a few years back and it has never left.

I am currently reading a book by Dr. David Edelberg called "Healing Fibromyalgia." 

http://shop.wholehealthchicago.com/books-and-cds/healing-fibromyalgia.html 

What Dr. Edelberg says makes a great deal of sense to me.  He believes that Fibromyalgia is a low serotonin affliction--and that it is caused by way too much stress for way too long.

I am not certain that it is only stress that causes it.  I am also leaning towards some genetic factors--which Dr. Edelberg also mentions, and I feel there are some other factors, yet undiscovered or acknowledged.

At any rate, Fibromyalgia is a huge challenge.


I think I carry 'holding' energy in my body--by default.  I think it is the primary way that I go through my life.  From my earliest memories, I braced myself, put on my Warrior Armor, pulled up my socks, pinned on a smile and trudged through whatever crisis was at hand.  There always seemed to be stress and disorder. 

I have always been hard at work, making lemonade out of lemons.  I thought I was doing a great job of it, too!  But, this kind of stress has had far reaching and long term consequences for me.  Still, I firmly believe that there is a great gift somewhere in the midst of all difficulties.  I have found many already in what I have experienced with Fibromyalgia.  I am hanging on for others to manifest.  I know they are there!

I firmly believe what Melanie Koulouris says in the quip of hers I have included here.  In the meantime, I am putting down my sword, taking off my armor and sitting with an open heart and a willing attitude to continue on.  I am hanging on for the ride, Trusting that all is unfolding in the most beneficial and highest order for me--no matter what it sometimes looks like!  It always works out wonderfully, eventually!

Doing my very best to stay positive is hard, but really helps a bunch.  Sometimes that means getting support from others.  Sometimes it means staying open to things I would never have ever considered.  Nothing is off the plate when dealing with difficulties as challenging as Fibromyalgia. 

Love, Hugs and Blessings,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

Thank you Google Images, for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!

"Fibromyalgia, It's Not All In Your Head--It's In Your Hands," per the University of Albany

I have massive problems with my hands.  I had severe Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and have had bilateral Carpal Tunnel Release surgeries many years ago.  The surgeries helped immensely! 

I always thought my hands were such a mess because of my excessive work on computers and keyboards throughout my life.  I've been very hard on my hands and fingers!

They are so unbelievably painful these days.  When I use them for things like sorting through papers or doing anything hand/finger labor intensive, I pay for it dearly in severe pain and unusable hands/fingers for days and sometimes weeks afterward.

It turns out that even painful hands may be an issue of Fibromyalgia!

I love Prohealth.com!  They are a wealth of information about current studies for Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME.  

This link below here describes a news release from the University of Albany on June 20, 2013, about hands and Fibromyalgia for your edification.

http://www.prohealth.com/fibromyalgia/library/showarticle.cfm?libid=18169

Love, Hugs and Blessings,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

Thank you Google Images, for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!