Tuesday, May 21, 2013

More Atrocities for Chronic Pain Patients



http://www.wholehealthchicago.com/5694/value-your-privacy-avoid-walgreens-pharmacy/ 

I experienced much of what this article linked here above at my local Walgreens in Nevada in the last week! 

I am getting doggone miffed at being targeted by doctors and now pharmacies for the use of pain medication. I hate that I need it, but I surely do need it. I get further whipped senseless and very unfairly when I already have a chronic and extremely painful condition. 

This new policy causes great delay, (nearly a week to get a prescription filled,) bottlenecks in communication between doctors and the pharmacy and even further unrest between patients and their doctors when many doctors already do not want to deal with chronic pain patients for exactly some of these reasons! 

I already experience inadequate treatment and medication. I already experience inadequate support from insurance companies and doctors. Now pharmacies are on the bandwagon too. It is more than a chronic pain body can cope with at times, and it is completely unacceptable! 

I am now going to find myself a new pharmacy. And I am also going to begin openly protesting all of this, blogging about it, and posting about it, even though I hate sharing my privacy about this subject openly--something has GOT TO GIVE! 

Chronic Pain patients, Fibromyalgia folks, need to stand up and fight back--if we can garner enough strength with which to fight! 

We need compassion and support, not even more obstacles to drag our already painful and exhausted bodies over in order to get even minimal to zero treatment.

I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!!

Barbara


© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 
All Rights Reserved
Thank you Google Images for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!


 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Exhausted and Trusting



I am whooped beyond my understanding.  It does not make any sense that I could get so very depleted and from such little exertion.

But it is what is, for now. 

I used to have such high energy.  But I have over-expended it many, many times, too.  I miss all the energy I had in my past!  Boy, do I miss that a bunch!

The pattern for me lately is that I get myself back into an energy flow and then...WHAM, it all drains out of me like someone pulled the plug on my energy tank.

I've got things I want to do.  I've got places I want to go.  I want to have the energy to do these things.  

It is hard to be patient with myself!

But I do not have energy--not this minute, anyway.

It is alright.

There is a Phoenix in me, readying to be reborn.  I've seen this pattern in me before.  It is not easy to trust this process.  But it is always the truth that I do rise up out of the ashes.


I will again.

For now, I will Trust...

Love, Hugs & Blessings,
Barbara



© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 
All Rights Reserved
Thank you Google Images for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!


Friday, April 5, 2013

Fire or Negotiate with your Doctor???

I have fired several doctors who will not listen. I will continue to do so whenever it feels like they are hopelessly imbedded in belief systems that do not support me. 

Some have been so very talented in other areas that I also value and need, that I have been willing to "put up with their short-comings" where dealing with patients with chronic pain is concerned. 
Some doctors have proven to be trainable--if I am and they are willing to go the distance with me about my care. 

I always feel especially sad when I have found an excellent doctor like James Boesiger, PhD
 --who practices as a Physician's Assistant-- and who knows more about and deals with my issues with Fibromyalgia and chronic pain from two spinal fusion surgeries better than any doctor or other person has EVER been able to do--who has left a practice of dealing with Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia patients due to the difficult climate for practitioners in this field.  Dr. Boesiger sincerely tries to provide cutting-edge care for the chronically pain afflicted. 
Doctors can get very frustrated because the powers that be in their practices, pushed and manipulated by insurance companies, are often forced into doing things in ways they wish were otherwise.  They often meet with difficulties in being able to provide the care that they feel is of the greatest help.  They are often forced into the least amount possible because it costs less and money is the bottom line issue when it comes to health care and insurance.  

This causes doctors that really do care a great deal of difficulty.  It has been my personal experience that this causes them not to stay long in a practice of this nature.
This experience causes equally as much, if not more pain for the patient who becomes relegated to someone else's vision of what needs to happen for them, simply because it fits a monetary model better--not to mention the upheaval of constantly changing of doctors that work with them.

When I find a doctor as talented, compassionate and helpful to me as Dr. Boesiger has been and then I lose him to the controls and manipulations of the health care system, to the callousness of bottom line dollar signs, it can feel so very hopeless and flat-out grief-filled for me.  
 
I miss Dr. Boesiger SO MUCH!
It has been my personal experience that this "do the least possible where difficult to treat, vague illness patients are concerned" often fuels the "Kill The Messenger" (the patient) mentality that doctors sometimes embrace.  When a doctor is confronted with a patient like me that can take too much time and effort for them to participate in the healing work that is truly needed, sometimes doctors begin to rationalize that a patient is nuts and not in physical pain at all!  Sometimes a patient like me gets them in touch with their own feelings of inadequacy on some (usually unconscious) level, and they can lash out and be mean, manipulative, controlling, and worst of all, extremely judgmental.

I have to work on my own feelings about these experiences in order not to go to that same place with these doctors.  I find myself at risk of becoming judgmental about the judgments of others!  

It can be so very frustrating, down-right heartless to be the patient under these difficult circumstances!!

But I can also see that it is very frustrating and just as hard for a doctor that really does give a damn, too!

Nothing happens by accident. I am sure of it. There is/are some piece(s) of my personal healing work in all of these experiences.

For me, the empowerment in standing up to doctors and letting them know how I feel about their lack of support when I am met with it has been very growing and empowering for me.

Being my own advocate and taking responsibility for saying what I need to say to doctors and for asking for what I need is WONDERFUL--even if some doctors have gotten very ticked, dismissed me and sent me on my way.

There have been a few doctors, (a very few, but still some,) that think it over and then try a little harder the next time we interact over my care again!

Very often though, it feels very isolating and challenging, because I have, [any of us that experience this kind of lack of health care support must] find ways to mostly "go it alone." This has been my personal experience of the way that the system works around Fibromyalgia and chronic pain syndromes, anyway.
I have great hope that I will become increasingly more empowered and shift these kinds of experiences with the medical community to a much higher plane.
Love & Hugs & Blessings,
Barbara
 
© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 
All Rights Reserved
Thank you Google Images for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!
 
 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Meditation or Medication???




I am an avid meditator.  Meditation has helped me learn to transcend pain--every type of pain.  This is a magnificent tool!  And I am very good at it. Thank God!

It turns out, much to my surprise, that it is not necessarily the best thing in the world to be a great meditator in some instances--if you have something physical going on that needs medical attention!

It is sometimes hard to trust our own inner guidance--especially when external guidance, doctors, health care professionals, sometimes even our own family or friends, can try to convince us that we are just over reacting or may even be a hypochondriac!

Just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean that it's not there. 

Gratefully, I have never had anyone ever openly suggest that I could be a hypochondriac, rather than truly in pain, (even if they may have thought it!)  But I can tell you that at times, (more often than I care to remember,) I have most certainly been met with disbelief and judgment from others, even when they have not said it!   I am an intuitive.  I can feel it!

It can feel so heartless, down-right cruel, to be met with this kind of energy from others when one is in pain!  

For many of us that have experienced this, it has lead us on a journey of Trust.

Trust of Self or Trust of Others--that is the question!

I have had to find my own way through the challenges of chronic pain, mostly without the aid of anyone in the medical community, or anywhere else, for that matter.  This was (and sometimes can still be) overwhelming and difficult to manage on my own, hence the need for me to become a great meditator!
  
If we are barking up a tree that is getting us no where, we have to find other ways of managing our issues, our symptoms.  This can be a very good and an empowering thing.



As I was struggling with my tooth problem of late, the dentist kept telling me that I just needed bite adjustments to the temporary crown he had installed and medication to alleviate the pain in my tooth until the permanent crown could be completed.  

I knew there was something wrong, but I did not trust my own perceptions about this.  I did not want to be met (again) with disbelief and/or judgment from a doctor, so I put up and I shut up.


Finally the tooth abscessed in a way that was very outwardly visible and undeniable.

I cannot meditate (or medicate) an abscessing tooth away, though I must admit, my meditation skills allowed me to get very far along into an abscessing tooth before I finally had to holler--no, SCREAM, Uncle.  But I didn't do it until there was proof-positive, not just my own subjective opinion, (which doctors often could care less about hearing, let alone believing!) 

Now I can work toward the real solution to this issue--which is not about becoming an even more proficient meditator to mitigate the nearly unbearable pain.  This time it is about picking the best oral surgeon and having the dang tooth extracted!

Now my dentist believes me that I was not just a whine-baby, refusing to buck-up and wait the pain out.

It actually feels good to be vindicated--but it does not feel so good looking at what I have dragged myself through just to try to avoid being judged by a doctor!  I should have hollered MUCH sooner!

All this happened for a reason.  I will hang on for what the Universe is trying to teach me now.  I have more learning to do!  I know we never get done.

However, I am NOT giving up meditation.  It has single-handedly been the most empowering and helpful thing I have ever been able to do to help myself through anything.  I am very grateful for it! 


Love, Hugs & Blessings,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 
All Rights Reserved
Thank you Google Images, for the Commercial Reuse of your Images!



Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Root Canal or Extraction???


Sometimes the world seems like a very scary place--as I sit here eating my main food staple for the past while--Cream of Wheat, sprinkled with the dastardly Splenda, while licking off my sunblock moisturizer that I inadvertently slathered across my lips while attempting to protect myself from skin cancer and pondering about what I should do about my previously root canaled tooth that is now outwardly abscessing--and about which I just read an article on how Root Canals poison us!

Whew!  Gimme a break!

Everywhere I look lately I keep seeing messages of fear, gloom and doom!

Enough, already!  

I refuse to take on the fear and allow it to run me!  There is some purpose in this dance with this abscessing tooth and all-over body pain.  Maybe they are even connected on some level and the whole purpose of this last month of mega pain is all about finding and correcting something that needs to be corrected--and NOT about annihilation!

Tomorrow I see a specialist about my abscessing tooth.  I will make a decision about what is the best way to move forward from here--another root canal or extraction.  

Extinction is definitely NOT part of this equation! 

All is wellI am certain of this--even when it sometimes looks very unwell!

Love, Hugs & Blessings
Barbara   


© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 
All Rights Reserved
Thank you Google Images, for the Commercial Reuse of your Image!




Friday, February 15, 2013

The Morning After


I always want to blog about positive things.  I want to be a voice for higher vibrational living.  But some days I am in a great deal of pain.  Sharing this part of my journey is equally as important as sharing all the fun stuff.  And hopefully it will help another find their way through the, often lonely, sometimes bewildering and difficult path through chronic pain.  

There is a way through.  I do it regularly.  It is not fun, but I can attest to the fact that it can be a very growing, enlightening and inspiring experience.  In fact, it can sometimes be the very reason for a person to be on the spiritual path, learning to transform very difficult things into positive and helpful things.

It takes whatever it takes.  All roads lead to the same place.  I can do it peacefully and with positive intention, no matter my personal circumstances, or I can cause myself great discomfort--additional and unnecessary discomfort 

I had such a wonderful time with my family yesterday, and the days before that, gathering supplies and doing prep work to do the Valentine's Day project and dinner with them!
  
The mornings of the day after Project Days I do can sometimes be very challenging for me.

I always try my very best to pace myself.  It is something I used to not do very well at all.  I have been beaten into submission about this.  (Translated--I have beaten myself into submission by, in the past, doing whatever I felt like, regardless of the consequences I knew would likely occur the next day if I pushed myself so hard.)

But sometimes, regardless of how well I plan and space out my work or myself, I still end up feeling like I've been run over by a Mack Truck the next day.

This is one of those days.

For me, chronic pain is about deep aching all over the place to the point of distraction.  My hands hurt, my lower back feels like it is going to give out and is shooting pain down my legs, my left foot/ankle is numb and feels like it is going to spasm and turn over.  My shoulders and upper arms and upper back are aching.  I am throbbing and aching at the core of my being nearly everywhere. 

I feel like I have been beaten with a 2" x 4" board.

Is it arthritis?  Is it the end results of multiple back surgeries and hand surgeries?  It is Fibromyalgia?  Am I just nuts?

Who knows!?!  Maybe it is all of these things

I have physical pain every day of my life.  It is the degree of pain that differs.

It is what I do with it and about it that makes the difference in my life. 

I have always been a very physically active person.  I love being very active!  But my body surely recoils greatly at times these days!  It has been like this for me since the last spinal fusion surgery I had in 2003.  I just never recovered from that surgery. 


I could get really depressed about this.

I could get really angry with myself about this and be a real grump with everyone, too.
 

I will take the day today, and just hang out by myself.  I will look for the gift in this pain and aching.  I will take a really long, hot shower.  That always helps relieve the aching some.  I will meditate.  I will do energy healing work for me and be as quiet and as peaceful as possible.


Surrendering to what is going on in my body, my mind and my spirit always makes things so much easier and better for me!


The intensity of feelings always pass eventually.  Fighting only makes the experience stay longer and/or hurt more.  So I will honor it, honor me and honor the process. 

 
I surely enjoyed myself with my family yesterday!  It was worth it!  They are worth it!  I will also spend the day today, remembering all the fun I had with them yesterday!

Love & Hugs & Blessings,
Barbara


Thank you Google Images for the Commercial Reuse of your images
© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 
All Rights Reserved



Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Rest of Valentine's Day Activities!


For Daughters-In-Law, Granddaughters-In-Law, Granddaughters and anyone else wanting the recipes for the additional items we had at our Valentine's Day gathering, below here I have copied the links and the recipes as well.
  


I made the Pioneer Woman's Broccoli Cheese Soup for dinner http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ree-drummond/broccoli-cheese-soup-recipe/index.html and we used her mother-in-law's recipe for Heavenly Creme Filled Cupcakes--but we didn't Heavenly Creme Fill them!  http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ree-drummond/heavenly-creme-filled-cupcakes-recipe/index.html 
 

I also used a CDKitchen Recipe for Chocolate Chip Icing on the chocolate cupcakes. http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/356/Chocolate_Chip_Icing59843.shtml

And I used the Buttercream Frosting on the back of the bag of C & H Powdered Sugar for the Vanilla Icing.


I had such fun with my family tonight!  The kids had a blast decorating cupcakes and eating them!

The soup turned out great, even though I quadrupled it!
   
Thank you for coming and spending this special time with me!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love & Hugs & Blessings to you all!
Barbara / Mom / Grandma

© Copyright 2009-2013, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 
All Rights Reserved


Broccoli Cheese Soup
2011 Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman, All Rights Reserved

Prep Time:
10 min
Inactive Prep Time:
--
Cook Time:
35 min

 

Level:
Easy

 

Serves:
10 servings

 

Ingredients
1 stick butter
1 whole onion, diced
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
4 cups whole milk
2 cups half-and-half
1 pinch nutmeg
4 heads broccoli, cut into florets
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
3 cups grated cheese (mild Cheddar, sharp Cheddar, Jack, etc.)
Chicken broth, if needed

 

Directions
Melt the butter in a pot over medium heat, and then add the onions. Cook the onions for 3 to 4 minutes, and then sprinkle the flour over the top. Stir to combine and cook for 1 minute or so, then pour in the milk and half-and-half. Add the nutmeg, and then the broccoli, a small dash of salt and plenty of black pepper.

 

Cover and reduce the heat to low. Simmer until the broccoli is tender, 20 to 30 minutes. Stir in the cheese and allow to melt.
 

Taste the seasonings and adjust if needed. Then either serve as is, or mash with a potato masher to break up the broccoli a bit, or transfer to a blender in two batches and puree completely. (If you puree in a blender, return the soup to the heat and allow to heat back up. Splash in some chicken broth if needed for thinning.) 


Heavenly Creme Filled Cupcakes
2012 Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman, All Rights Reserved

Prep Time:
40 min
Inactive Prep Time:
5 min
Cook Time:
15 min

Level:
Intermediate

Serves:
18 cupcakes

Ingredients
Cupcakes:

Baking spray
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 whole eggs
2 sticks butter
4 tablespoons (heaping) cocoa powder
1 cup boiling water

Ganache:

1 cup heavy cream
6 tablespoons corn syrup
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Creme Filling:

1 stick butter
1/2 cup shortening, such as Crisco
4 cups powdered sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup whole milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions

For the cupcakes: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Thoroughly spray 18 muffin cups with baking spray.

To make the cake batter, combine the flour, granulated sugar and salt. Set aside.

In a separate container, combine the buttermilk, baking soda, vanilla and eggs. Stir to combine and set aside.

In a saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder and stir to combine. Add the boiling water, allow to bubble for a few seconds and then turn off the heat.

Pour the chocolate mixture over the flour mixture. Stir a few times to cool the chocolate. Pour the buttermilk mixture over the top and stir to combine.

Fill muffin cups just over half full (do not overfill!). Bake for 13 to 15 minutes. Allow to cool for 5 minutes in the pan, and then remove the cupcakes and allow to cool completely on a baking rack.

For the ganache: To make the ganache, heat the cream and corn syrup over medium heat. Chop the chocolate and add to a bowl. Add the vanilla to the cream mixture, and then pour the cream mixture over the top of the chopped chocolate. Whisk together until melted, smooth and glossy. Allow to cool slightly.

For the creme filling: Whip together the butter and shortening until light and fluffy.

Sift together the powdered sugar and salt and add it to the butter mixture in batches. Add the milk, then the vanilla, beating the whole time. Scrape the sides of the bowl, and beat until very light and fluffy. Put the filling into a pastry bag fitted with a medium tip.

When the cupcakes are totally cool, insert the tip of the pastry bag into the bottom of the cupcake and fill with creme filling. When cupcakes are filled, spoon ganache so that it completely coats each cupcake OR dip to coat.

Let them set before serving.


Chocolate Chip Icing
CDKitchen http://www.cdkitchen.com

Serves/Makes: 2.5 cups    |   Difficulty Level: 2    |   Ready In: < 30 minutes

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
3 tablespoons butter
1/3 cup milk
6 ounces chocolate chips

Directions:
Combine all ingredients except chocolate in saucepan over medium high heat. Stir constantly until melted. Bring to a boil for 1 minute, still stirring. Remove from heat. Add in chips and stir until completely melted. Spread on cooled cake.