What Was I Thinking???

On Sunday I am going to a “Psychic Readings for Psychics” gathering.

The invitation read: “Let's get together for some conversation, fun and give readings for each other. It's a nice way to see how other readers work, share with others our knowledge and gifts, socialize and get some insight for ourselves…”

What the heck was I thinking when I decided this was a spectacular idea and I jumped at the chance, telling the group four weeks ago that I will attend??!!??

Now I am feeling mortified! The fear has been growing bigger by the day for the last two weeks!

I am wet behind the ears at this professional intuitive and medium stuff! The people attending this gathering are seasoned intuitives! They have been working at this professionally—some of them for many years. And here I am, a relative newbie, just getting my bearings with using my abilities professionally!

I have been on such a high since I finished the Spiritual Psychology class that I took from Lightworker and a Mediumship class that I took from Lisa Williams in October! I experienced unbelievable validation in both classes about my intuitive and mediumship abilities! Here I am now, wishing I had another validation shot-in-the-arm from someone or something outside of me, to help me believe in myself more deeply again! This would go a long way to giving me the courage to walk into this gathering on Sunday and not have a melt-down under the fear about it all!

What if I can’t read a darn thing? What if I freeze and stammer and look like a complete idiot in front of them all?? What if…What if…What if…???

This shot-in-the-arm should be coming from inside of me, not outside! Everything is in me already. I know this!! And yet, here I am, looking outside of me to show me that I’m OK!

There are no guarantees. There is no such thing as safety. There is no way to completely alleviate my fears. This is the “Trust and Surrender” space!

Ha! This is just another opportunity to make a Leap of Faith! It is just hiding under gut-wrenching fear!

I will spend some time in meditation and get myself as aligned with Spirit as I can get. I will allow this fear, as I cannot seem to find any way in which to quell it!

But one thing it is not going to do is to stop me!

I am going to show up at this gathering of professional intuitives. I am going to be fully present and partake in these activities. I am going to risk doing whatever I feel that Spirit is asking of me in the moment, no matter how loud the fear is in my gut!

I am grateful for the courage. But this sure is not easy!

Barbara
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