TRANSFORMATION OF A MYSTIC: Surviving The Storm

The last month of my life—since July 10, 2012, has been completely off-the-wall. There have been many wonderful experiences in it all, but there has been much trauma, drama and chaos, too.

Under it all I find a river of vulnerability--shame, judgment and fear. I keep finding myself wondering how any normal family/person could possibly have so many horrifically traumatic things occur in such a short time span? What does this mean about me and my family? Are we somehow addicted to trauma and drama? We seem to have varying degrees of it on a regular basis. It this just life? Are all families just like this? Or do we somehow attract such tragedies and energy to ourselves? From where does all of this come?

What is all this judgment and shame in me about?

I find myself thinking that "normal" people don't have all these kinds of experiences--at least not all piled up in such a short span of time.

During this past month I had a houseful of Summer Vacation company staying with me for three weeks of this time. There were lots of fun times together and lots of cleansing tears and sometimes overwhelming energy, simply due to the shear numbers of people all in one place together for so long. One of my brothers nearly died of a severe infection. He is still off work after a month of healing. A tragic death occurred in our family due to domestic violence. And I was rear-ended in a traffic accident.

It feels like I have gone through a knothole. I have come out on the other side of the knothole, but I have not yet processed all that has happened.

Life is transitioning back to a more comfortable place once again. For this, I am very grateful! I feel like I can begin living life on purpose again, rather than just hanging on through some very big difficulties.

I feel there is a deeper lesson, a deeper awareness about these past weeks, hanging just out of consciousness.

Perhaps it is about the grief? Perhaps it is about the deep vulnerability this has all brought to the forefront? Perhaps it is about the need for me to have much more compassion for myself and much less judgment?

It is all of these things--and more.

I pray for the awareness to come. I pray for the willingness to stay open to whatever God is showing me and to embrace it all.