I have been looking at and working on personal healing work since I was 25 years old and I developed Post Partum Depression after my last baby was born. (I am now 56 years old.) Post Partum Depression was extremely traumatizing and humiliating to me because I had always been able to keep it all together and be totally in control of my world, (up until then,)--or so I thought, anyway!
I never liked (or even now...like,) hearing people complain about their childhoods. I always believed that many folks had difficult times growing up and that we just need to learn to make lemonade out of lemons, quit whining about it, pull up our socks and get on with life. Those are the things I told myself and those are the things that I did.
But underneath it all, I learned to be constantly vigilant about everything going on around me. I was born intuitive, I am certain, but some of those skills got finely honed directly as a result of living my life--which grew more every day like Air Traffic Control.
It turns out that living life in this kind of energy has long-term consequences. Some are good. And some are not so great.
I ran across a link from a fellow blogger and friend, Patricia Singleton, http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/, "Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker." Patricia's link was to an article about the long-term consequences for people who grew up experiencing a lot of trauma and chaos and how it affects the body and the spirit. (Thank you for this trigger, Patricia!!) In this article there was a list of all the things that people that experienced childhood trauma have a really high incidence of experiencing as an adult: Migraine Headaches, all types of Arthritis, Spinal Fusions/Back Problems, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME, Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Eating Disorders--the list is endless.
I have experienced some of these things. Thank God, each of them has turned out to be a journey toward deeper Spirituality. But it has not been easy living with these things--no, not easy at all!
When my father died in January, I went into mega survival mode. I didn't realize it. But it surely was happening. I think I was in survival mode for the last seven years of his life, too, as he was gearing up to pass.
One night, a few weeks after Dad passed, I found myself standing in front of the freezer, eating frozen chocolate...like a crazy women..just stuffing it in and feeling like I was standing outside of myself, watching myself in horror and wondering, WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING??? I had not been going nuts consuming chocolate like this in a long time.
What was up about this???
As I starting unraveling the threads of my life, I began to see further and further back where Survival Mode was operating in me. I think it was always operating in me.
Does one's awareness about these things open up when the last of your parents have gone Home???
For me, this is definitely the case!
I contacted a Food Addiction Specialist...
Love, Hugs & Blessings,
Barbara
Copyright 2012. Transformation of a Mystic. Barbara F. Manning
I woke up with a headache this morning that has just been hanging around lately. It comes and goes. I know that some of my headaches, if not all, are related to emotional issues for me. I still don't always recognize signs of stress in myself.
ReplyDeleteAs I have been reading another survivor's memoir about child abuse and incest and also getting ready to start writing my own memoir of incest experiences and healing, I, like you, have been overeating. I recognize it but haven't been able to stop it. Until my book is writen, I probably won't have much control over my eating.
This post is a mirror for me in so many ways of what I am going through right now myself. Thank you for the mention and link to my blog. I love the way that survivors support each other in our time of need.
Patricia,
DeleteIf we can not indulge in the overeating, deeper and greater awareness prevails...and ultimately, much more healing is possible for us. It is hard, though. But so worth it!
I have had to work with a food addiction specialist in order to be able to start doing it. Going to food is so deeply ingrained in my survival tactics! Food was a very good thing for a long while for me. I do not know that I would have survived without it. But it is so time to heal what caused the need in the first place!
It seems to come in layers...and levels...the healing, that is. I do not know that we are ever "done." You are fully aware of that, huh!?! :-)
Yes, it WONDERFUL that God puts all the right people together at just the right time! I love how that always works out!!
Love & Even More Courage to you, my friend!
Barbara