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Sometimes a relationship needs to end. Sometimes the most loving and compassionate thing we can do for ourselves and for the other is to be courageous enough to draw a boundary and force an ending, thereby opening the place for the misery to end.
There is great unhappiness and ever-growing pain in the journey to the ending of a relationship. There has been steadily increasing hopelessness and a very slow dawning of my awareness that there is nothing more that I can do, no power that I have, no more words that I can say, no more adjustments that I am willing to make that can fix the relationship. It is simply no longer a healthy place in which for me to be.
I do not take ending a relationship lightly. I put a lot of myself into a relationship and I give all my heart in them. I think it is entirely possible that I give way too much and way too long in a relationship. But I did catch this faster than ever before. Still, it took me a very long time to reach The End.
Alas, sometimes things just do not work out. Maybe they were never meant to work out as I envisioned them. Maybe my definition of “working out” needs adjustment.
There were many wonderful things that I did receive in this relationship over the years. I have grown tremendously and I received great healing about many things as a direct result of this relationship. I can honestly say that I would not be the person that I am today without having experienced this relationship.
For these things I will always be very grateful!
I have been blocked about writing this blog entry for a while. I want to write positive, empowering and beneficial entries. But every time I sat down to write, my brain and my heart have been in an endless loop of pain, loss and grief. My heart is truly broken. I could not even get the words out.
And then slowly I began to be reminded that life is not just about the wonderful, the miraculous and the positive. Life on this planet is sometimes damn tough!
It is what I do with the heartbreaking, the negative and the difficult that can be empowering or it can be diminishing. How I choose to work my way through this makes all the difference. It is the journey through every experience that gives me the opportunity to grow, to find out about the stuff of which I am made.
And I am made of very good stuff!
I am a survivor. I am more than a survivor! I’ve been through some really rough things in life and I can truthfully say that I am deeply grateful for every single one of them! Each has brought me great gifts, even through pain!
I am an optimist, a romantic and an idealist at heart. I always look for the lessons, the nuggets of truth and the good in everything that happens. They are always there! I persistently dig for deeper consciousness about myself, about others and about life, and I do my best to grow through or in spite of everything that occurs in my life.
I am a better person today than I was yesterday. I am more aware today than I was yesterday. I hurt less today than I did yesterday!
Tomorrow will be even better!
Barbara
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Friday, January 15, 2010
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Barbara,
ReplyDeleteI hope your ascent has continued. Your pursuit of personal truth resonates and uplifts all that work for the light and truth of this life we come to experience.
Each and every experience holds within it an opportunity to reveal that truth a piece at a time.
Thank you for your courage and having the self love needed to move through such an eperiance in in such a positive way.
Adam
PS - You need to write some more ;-)
Wonderful!
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