I can get so hard on myself when I am in a flare up of pain. I sometimes find myself in judgment of me about every piece of the experience. Repeat patterns show me that this only increases suffering and makes the flare up last longer.
It sometimes feels exhausting, trying to stay positive, continuing to stand up and have a life in the midst of chronic pain. It is easy to get discouraged, even angry, and want to throw in the towel on life.
But the path through it all is through the experience, not around it or trying to avoid it. I accept how I am feeling, while at the same time, not allow myself to get lost in the feelings. This is a balancing process.
Making better choices for myself in many areas--my thoughts, learning to draw good boundaries about where I expend my energy and what I allow in my life, are all ways that I do the marathon with as much ease and grace as possible. But it's not a perfect journey. Always, it is about acceptance of everything--even the parts where I find myself so hard on me.
The minute I recognize that I am in judgment of myself, being hard on myself, I stop in that moment, take a slow, big, deep breath in, and I find a place of deep compassion and self-love that is always ever growing inside of me. Just taking that deep breath in and embracing the love and the peace of that moment, makes the next leg of the marathon possible for me.
Trust it all--and most especially, Trust Yourself. This is the hardest part of all, because those of us that deal with chronic pain often feel like our bodies have betrayed us. Your body has not betrayed you, but that is another blog entry.
There is always a purpose and a reason for each piece of our journey. I swear it! And I believe it is worth it!
Love and Hugs,
Barbara
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