The Perception of Others

There is a tendency to be concerned about the perception of others in terms of our chronic pain, (and probably a lot more than chronic pain.)

We are programmed from the time we are born into behaving in ways that yield us certain perceptions from others.  We spend time, mostly unconsciously, trying to stay within the boundaries of what we believe will yield us "Acceptance" by others.

Becoming conscious and true to ourselves about how we really feel is a chunk of our "growing up" work.

Being very empathic, I usually immediately pick up others perceptions of me--even when they, themselves, are not fully aware of it.  I usually get a big electric zap feeling in the pit of my gut when someone's perception of me is the kind that my basic life-programming says could get me drummed out of The Tribe.

What should we do when our experiences of living with chronic pain triggers others fears for themselves?  

Usually, when another is sneering in judgment, there is an underlying fear in them that is the real culprit of their reactions to my experience and it doesn't actually have a personal thing to do with me.

Sometimes others are unable to understand the level of misery that people with chronic pain experience.  This is common--until others experience their own and then they usually make huge transformations in compassion and tolerance.

I have experienced other's dismay, disbelief, anger and judgment about my own chronic pain.  Sometimes this has come from doctors, co-workers, family members and friends.

The one I really have to watch out for about this is my own judgment about myself because of my own chronic pain.  All the others I can deal with effectively.  But, being in my own court, loving and supporting and accepting myself is critical to my own well-being.

So how do we know when we are deserving of support and when we are just floundering in a pile of crap and need to do something to get ourselves out of it?

We are always deserving of support.  No matter what!

In our hearts, we know when we are stuck and need to get help on some level.  

Let it be Okay.  Get what you need.  Ask for what you need.

Do your best to let judgments go--both of yourself and of others perceptions about you.

Love, Hugs and Blessings,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2015, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

      Thank you to ME for my cool photos of flowers from my garden!

Childhood Trauma and Adult Chronic Pain - Part 3

It wasn't until I went to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor, plagued with breathing difficulties, that memories started floating back--more like crashed back into my full consciousness--with a vengeance. 

What we now know to most often be "Trauma Related" disorders are many--Fibromyalgia, Diabetes II, Chronic Fatigue, Low Back Pain, Chronic Migraine Headaches, Arthritis, Irritable Bowel Disorder and Depression, are just a few of them that fall into this category.  

Trauma can be caused by things you are well aware of--like being in a war or a horrific accident.  Trauma can also be much more subtle and even more difficult to identify.  

It can happen years before we develop chronic pain symptoms, before we mysteriously start having funny aches and pains here and there that go away and return again later on, with ever increasing pain intensity and time lines.

Some of us were raised by very strict parents.  That was nothing unusual in my era, being raised in the 1960's and 1970's.  But sometimes our spirits, our psyches, took things harder than we realized.  Or we may have blunted and dimmed the depths of the experiences in our memory.  These memories may even be totally out of our conscious awareness.

I would bet that most of us that experienced abusive or very strict parenting have at least some diminished memories out of our full conscious awareness.  It is just how it is.  It's what many survivors do to get on with being in the land of the living.

I discovered that I discounted all of the split lips and the bloody noses, all the name calling and the brutalizing energy I experienced growing up.  I knew they happened, but they were just below the surface of my everyday conscious awareness.

But, even if it is expected and common occurrence to have been raised this way in childhood, that does not mean it didn't effect us--and possibly even more than we know. 

Most folks that experienced the kinds of things I did as a child find ways to get through such experiences.  I know I did.  As I've said previously, I learned to make lemonade out of the lemons.  It's my long suit and always has been.  But until I was jolted into reality by an Ear Nose and Throat specialist, I had completely discounted the effects and even buried it all to some degree, from my full-on awareness, the full brunt of the experiences.  This stuff went on for all of my childhood, up until I left home as an adult.

Neuroscience now says that these kinds of experiences rewire our brains, making us have more possibilities for developing chronic pain and chronic conditions later in life. 

Here is a link to read up on this information:

http://www.multiplyingconnections.org/science-behind-trauma 

Until my experience with a doctor questioning my scar tissue filled nose and sinuses, I doubt I would have ever begun the journey of putting the pieces together, doing the research that has now opened everything to me.  I am certain there is a direct correlation to my experiences with chronic pain problems in adulthood and my childhood experiences with trauma.

When we are someone that looks for the good and the positive, it is easy to skim past obvious things that may actually be considered bordering on, if not flat-out, abusive parenting.

I can hear myself hollering at myself, "Pull up your socks, quit whining, get over yourself, you big ninny."  

Those are my words, now.  But, they came from another in my life. They didn't even actually use these specific words.  These are my interpretations of their words.  They are my words.  But this was the energy of what I heard repeatedly while growing up.

This is how a child learns to be unbendingly hard on themselves.

Herein breeds the way to trauma going underground and setting oneself up for Chronic Pain problems in adulthood.

It all goes hand in hand.  I observe it regularly in nearly every client I see.  Trauma and Chronic Pain are two ends of the same journey--if the Trauma is not addressed and healed.

Thankfully, there are more and more options for healing Chronic Pain than ever before, and the list is growing longer!

It takes great willingness to do this work, to heal these parts of ourselves.  It is the hardest work I have ever done.  And it is the very most rewarding, too.  

Love, Hugs and Blessings,
Barbara

© Copyright 2009-2015, Transformation Of A Mystic | Barbara F. Manning. 

All Rights Reserved

Thank you to ME for the cool photos of a Pronghorn Antelope in the Great Basin Desert
 and flowers from my garden, too!