I'm not surprised we survived. But I am surprised at the ever increasing energy that seems to be continuing to grow, even now, after December 21! All of 2012 has been a roller coaster ride of higher and higher energy for me! That has NOT stopped, either!
December was a very busy month for me. It was filled with wonderful things and a lot of hard work things, too.
In the midst of it all, my adult kids and I seemed to slip back into old ways--very old ways, like we have not done a lick of healing work together. That is totally untrue. We have done massive healing work together!
It was pretty shocking to me to see "Old Ways" in action and to feel so helpless to stop it, too.
Thank God I know that this is a pattern. Whenever a new or deeper level of healing work is up for us, it always looks like we haven't made a hint of progress in interacting together in any way.
We get triggered again, in our most vulnerable ways and places deep inside each of us. We act out in old rut ways and can get lost in the moment of the pain of history.
It is at these times that it is most important to remember when we find ourselves slipping back into old crap, that it is just another, usually even deeper, level of healing that is coming forth to work through as a family. It is a gift. Even when it doesn't look like it.
For most of us, and definitely for me, it is in our family interactions that we have had the most pain, the most bliss and the hardest times working through difficulties.
Out in the world, in our interactions with others, most of us find ways to manage. But in our families, well, that is the place where we are the very most vulnerable of all.
There are no accidents about this. It is perfect, even in all of its pain. For it gives us the exact playing field, the exact circumstances to have the greatest opportunity to work through and grow through our very deepest and most vulnerable places to healing.
I am truly blessed because my family always shows back up for each other--no matter what. We always find a way to give another try to work through something difficult. We are always able to come back and say, "Look, I think I've screwed up. Help me understand what happened with you and please listen to me to understand what happened with me. How can we fix this?"
And that is the best gift I could ever receive from anyone--another's willingness to go the distance, to dig deeper, to open hearts further, and to allow me to do the same...so that we all can grow in learning to relate and connect in the holiest and healthiest ways possible.
It is easy to have compassion for another, to see them getting triggered and acting out of their inner pain, and to understand and give them allowances. But it is not so easy for me to even recognize my own triggers and pain, and especially, to be compassionate with myself about it.
I will continue to show up and listen to others and their perceptions of me. It helps me to see that which I cannot on my own. It is not easy at all to allow another to point out my deepest flaws and imperfections. But listening allows me to become more aware.
I will continue to give others the benefit of the doubt and to trust that each person with which I interact is doing the best that he or she can with what they have at the moment. I will continue to believe that no one that I know is out to cause another grief or harm deliberately.
Love, Hugs & Blessings,
Barbara
Thank you to the contributors of the images I used in this blog entry!
Copyright 2012. Transformation of a Mystic. Barbara F. Manning
