Air Traffic Control

I have been looking at and working on personal healing work since I was 25 years old and I developed Post Partum Depression after my last baby was born.  (I am now 56 years old.)  Post Partum Depression was extremely traumatizing and humiliating to me because I had always been able to keep it all together and be totally in control of my world, (up until then,)--or so I thought, anyway!  

I never liked (or even now...like,) hearing people complain about their childhoods.  I always believed that many folks had difficult times growing up and that we just need to learn to make lemonade out of lemons, quit whining about it, pull up our socks and get on with life.  Those are the things I told myself and those are the things that I did.  

But underneath it all, I learned to be constantly vigilant about everything going on around me.  I was born intuitive, I am certain, but some of those skills got finely honed directly as a result of living my life--which grew more every day like Air Traffic Control.  

It turns out that living life in this kind of energy has long-term consequences.  Some are good.  And some are not so great.

I ran across a link from a fellow blogger and friend, Patricia Singleton, http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/, "Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker."  Patricia's link was to an article about the long-term consequences for people who grew up experiencing a lot of trauma and chaos and how it affects the body and the spirit.  (Thank you for this trigger, Patricia!!)  In this article there was a list of all the things that people that experienced childhood trauma have a really high incidence of experiencing as an adult:  Migraine Headaches, all types of Arthritis, Spinal Fusions/Back Problems, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME, Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Eating Disorders--the list is endless.

I have experienced some of these things.  Thank God, each of them has turned out to be a journey toward deeper Spirituality.  But it has not been easy living with these things--no, not easy at all!

When my father died in January, I went into mega survival mode.  I didn't realize it.  But it surely was happening.  I think I was in survival mode for the last seven years of his life, too, as he was gearing up to pass.  

One night, a few weeks after Dad passed, I found myself standing in front of the freezer, eating frozen chocolate...like a crazy women..just stuffing it in and feeling like I was standing outside of myself, watching myself in horror and wondering, WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING???  I had not been going nuts consuming chocolate like this in a long time.  

What was up about this???  

As I starting unraveling the threads of my life, I began to see further and further back where Survival Mode was operating in me.  I think it was always operating in me.

Does one's awareness about these things open up when the last of your parents have gone Home??? 

For me, this is definitely the case!

I contacted a Food Addiction Specialist...

Love, Hugs & Blessings,
Barbara

Copyright 2012. Transformation of a Mystic. Barbara F. Manning

Floating In The Ocean

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I have been stuck.  I have been in a place of not being able to put my finger on anything, just experiencing that blocked feeling that comes when there are things/feelings in me that are just not safe enough to come up into my conscious awareness--yet.  I do not want to go anywhere.  I do not want to talk to people.  I do not want any pressures or responsibilities.  Everything outside (and some of it inside) of my family, my grandchildren, my gardening, feels like a huge burden that is far beyond me right now.  The only place where I feel like my regular, old self, is when I am working with clients!  There I feel spiritually connected and whatever is needed for them, always seems to come through--Thank You, God--though I worried for a while about this, too.

I found myself scaring myself crazy about all of this.  I saw myself and felt myself like a ship, listing in the sea.  I have been in great judgment about myself and what I am experiencing. The not being in control and not being able to direct my life in any major way has been rather overwhelming.
 
And then Spirit brought me a huge gift in the form of a comment of a good friend, Elizabeth Sabroso of Radiant Heart Healing.  She helped me to see that I could shift my perspective about the experience, (since I surely could not shift being in the experience!)  The only choice I have is how I experience it.  I am just in it. 

So rather than seeing myself listing in the sea, I am, instead, per Elizabeth's suggestion, seeing myself floating in God's Ocean, being nurtured, supported and held in this space.  I now allow it without judgment!

I don't have to be in control.  I can let go and just float.  Actually, I LOVE floating in the Ocean!  It feels wonderful!

Thank you for this loving and healing perspective, Elizabeth!  (Learn about Elizabeth Sabroso and the wonderful work that she does with clients at:  radianthearthealing.vpweb.com)

When I shifted my perspective, I began to feel better about being where I am.  I've been being rocked and consoled in this space for a while, now. 

And it is all Okay, just as it is!

Here I will stay until more is revealed...

Love & Hugs & Blessings to us all,
Barbara

Copyright 2012. Transformation of a Mystic. Barbara F. Manning

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